Monday, October 17, 2005

Amores Perros


So the other day I’m leaving the “Karl Kave” en-route to the job and I hear this strange sound..

kinda like barking but more piercing...

The sound literally scratched my ear drums it was so bad...

I turned and two little dogs were yelping at me...

not really a bark...

a sort of tiny growl mixed with a stunted gargle...a yelp....is all I can say...


either way it seemed very traumatic for them

...because when they yelped...their whole body would sort of shake and convulse...

as if one yelp too many might make them explode or shit themselves...


So these two tiny ass dogs are yelping at me...and sort of doing this lunge like they want to bite my shoelaces or some shit...but at the last moment they sort of jump away...scared of my foot...

behind them is their owner...a super skinny Asian gal..that had a Morticia/ Juicy jumpsuit vibe rolling....

I looked at her like “Call off Scrapy Doo before I have to kick him between the two houses and pull my shirt over my head and run around screaming GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”

She didn’t move.

She just stared
or “mad dogged” if you will...

so I started to walk and the dogs ran around my feet yelping up a storm and nipping at my “tennys”

So I stopped because I almost stepped on one of them...

I looked at the lady...

she didn’t move...

So I drew my foot back....

She screamed bloody murder..


NOOooooooooo MAAAAAAA DUGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes it was that long.....

she came up and snatched them up as if she was scooping up a bowl of fruit....

As she picked them up she gave me the “Evil Death Stare”
...it has to be in quotes and caps because it was that “Evil”


I never planned on kicking the dogs...
I’m an animal lover...

Oh shut up!!!
I don’t make love to animals...so get your head out of the gutter you fucking perv...

so yeah I never had any intention of hurting them...

but there is some history with her and Scrapy and Dino Mutt.

Every morning they yelp their heads off in the courtyard behind my crib..

which acts like an echo chamber...

so it’s THX fucking yelping!!!

every morning at like 5am...like fucking Roosters...

When I first moved in I was unloading some boxes...

and she was walking by with the dynamic doggy duo...and they started the yelping
and she didn’t bother to pull them back.

She’s like one of those parents at the mall that has the kid running around like a freak and they don’t tell them to stop or be quiet..they act like the world is their living room...

As history shows...

we were off to a bad start from jump street...


Cut to 15 mins ago

So it’s raining today and I’m drinking some coffee looking out the window...

and I start to think...wow it’s really coming down.

just than I heard something in the distance....




sort of like




...yelping



and the pitter patter of tiny doggy feet in the rain....

so I looked over and there is Morticia and the dog squad running their little hearts out...

drenched...

Morticia was screaming..

HURRRRRRYYYYYYY RUUNNNNNNNN>>>ITTTSSSSSS RAAAAINNNNIIIINNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one dog was covered in mud...

she almost slipped.

I almost chuckled

(tee hee)

If she would have looked up

and to the left she might have caught a glimpse of me in the window
pumping my fist like I was in an 80’s movie..

and mouthing

“Justice is served”

KA-lifornia

Email me!

PS the picture of the dogs is not the actual dogs ...those are just generic stand in doggy doubles I stole from the internet to protect the identity of the actual dogs...